


mute button

by London_The_Loser



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mute - Freeform, Muteness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Unspecified Traumatic Event, i was once again pressured into writing this, idk what this is but please enjoy it :), no beta we die like men, someone save me from my angsty best friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:13:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/London_The_Loser/pseuds/London_The_Loser
Summary: [when dream was 17, he turned on his microphone. he turned on his microphone and spoke for the first fucking time in three years. his therapist called it breakthrough, and once they decided that they should focus more on what he could do then push himself towards doing something he might never achieve, they found a system.]
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound, dreamnotfound - Relationship, possible - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 846





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welp. my friend and i came up with this idea of dream being mute outside of his video content for unspecified reasons, so i wrote it. pretty fun. not as angsty as i went into it expecting, but still pretty nice. (no fucking proof reading, dont @ me)

george was coming.

and okay, dream loved george with his whole ass heart, he couldn't ask for a better friend. and dream wasn't naive to imply that he wasn't lonely, living alone in a one bedroom apartment without friends to meet up with in person. not that dream ever had much luck making friends, but he couldn't blame others for their reluctancy. but then online gaming slid into dream's life, and everything in his life started to _click._ dream loved george, but the fear that tugged at his lungs was more than enough to make him dread the entire idea. 

when dream was 17, he turned on his microphone. he turned on his microphone and spoke for the _first fucking time in three years._ his therapist called it breakthrough, and once they decided that they should focus more on what he could do then push himself towards doing something he might never achieve, they found a system. when dream's mom needed to hear his voice, when dream needed to talk, when his sister needed to hear him ramble, they sat on different ends of the house and spoke over the phone. dream contacted a select few of his close friends to call occasionally, but he never needed them like he did his mom and sister.

but then he met sapnap, met bad and george, and a pit grew in his stomach at the realization that he would never get to lean into their sides, watch movies together from under the same blanket, walk down the beach at midnight, go out for slushies at 2am. _normal_ people shit. shit that involved speaking like a mentally stable person. something that dream couldn't do anymore. 

his youtube persona was loud, arrogant, shameless, and downright chaotic. and his therapist would often argue that _clay_ was all of those things as well. just wrapped up in a shield created by self preservation every time his consciousness convinced him he wasn't safe. dream never meant to develop this- this _issue._ dr wallace said it was his brains way of floundering, using old habits to ignore the fact that it didn't actually know how to handle the situation. it was anxious and finicky and told his to shut the fuck up every time someone looked at him. _he_ wasn't even that anxious anymore. dream went from constantly stiff and nervous to just utterly quiet. it almost seems like he could just let the words slip if he thought about it long enough.

but he never could.

dr wallace said that was okay, and dream was starting to believe him. 7 years of living like this, and he had figured it all out. gotten used to his cold apartment and the fact that he would never make good friends in public the way he was. shit, he had to cary a card with his coffee order on it everywhere he went (along with his name, email, and phone number. he also constantly had his note apps ready, just incase he needed to type something out specifically. the last time he ran into someone who understand sign language was a month ago). but then george told him he had a whole free block in his schedule, and asked if he could fly to florida. and really- how could dream possibly say no?

so he started practicing. and yeah, its been 7 years, and yeah, hes never gotten anywhere with this before. but he had to give it a try, right? at least this time there was a perfectly innocent reason, one that wasn't fueled by internalized-ableism or self-hatred (which might be a lie. if dream was perfectly confident in himself then he would just explain to george that something happened when he was younger and he had severe ptsd that lead to an anxiety based subconscious coping mechanism). 

all he accomplished was embarrassing himself at four different starbucks and getting shoved into the sidewalk at least twice. george would be here and two days, and goddamnit if dream wished he could just be normal in his goddamn life. if he could stop being half a person. just a face to the city around him, and just a voice to the people who watch his content. dream felt quite hopeless, but he convinced himself to keep trying until george landed in florida, unable to sit still with the looming possibility of straight up rejection. he didn't even stop for a second to consider the much more logical alternative of _telling george that he was fucking traumatized and couldn't get two words out in front of anyone even if he sat for hours trying-_

the morning of george's landing, dream walked out his front door 30 minutes early, only to sit in his driveway for 45, contemplating life choices and wondering how fucked it would be to tell george that his grandma died and he had to drive upstate. of course now he was even more nervous, the chances of abandonment growing exponentially as the seconds ticked on and dream's time of arrival slowly got farther and farther from their designated meet up plan. the thought of george standing confused in a crowded airport eventually outweighed the cracks of nausea in his stomach, and by the time he pulled into the airport his hands were sweaty enough to hydrate a raisin. 

it took approximately five minutes to spot george, sitting on the benches with his head dipped down to scroll idly scroll through his phone. jesus _fuck,_ dream was going to throw up. this obviously wasn't going to work, he hadn't even brought his "hi! i'm mute, please excuse the inconvenience :)" cards and he couldn't even remember the reason he left them behind. was it childish hope or is he just an idiot? both?? probably both. oh god. this was stupid. he didn't know how this was going to work so maybe he should just turn right back around and text him from behind a bush saying that he got into a fucking car crash-

"dream?"

fuck. _fuck._ um- he- he didn't have his cards. how would he tell george it's him? make awkward eye contact and nod like a creep? grab his wrist and pull him into his car? stand their like a degenerate, mouth flapping open, dropping odd little squeaky sounds just loud enough to hear if you're close? this was a whole new level of crisis. dream is completely confident that he will laugh about this with sapnap if he could just make sure that george doesn't realize he's stuck with a mute 21 year old shut-in for an entire week. 

"i'm- i'm sorry- i thought you were someone else, haha." was what abruptly brought dream back to the current situation- and that situation happened to be george awkwardly shuffling in the opposite direction. which was probably a reasonable response when some random dude stares at you for who knows how long as if you just walked on water. and dream didn't know how to react, he didn't have his fucking cards, his hands were shaking, and his brain was firing too fast to tell him to pull out his damn phone. so instead he _lunged the fuck forward and grabbed george by the wrist-_

and then they were hugging?

"oh- oh. you're- are you dream?"

this entire day has been so fucked. dream is ready to absolutely dominate sapnap at the pvp arena.

"dream? clay? can you at least tell me that you're not some random guy who is currently hugging me in the middle of an airport?'

fuuuuuuck. fuck this. dream shook his head against george's shoulder.

"okay. dude, can you please back off or- i don't know just-" but dream was holding tighter because what was _happening_? why didn't he just call george beforehand and tell him that he was- 

back pocket, phone, notes app, you absolute _idiot._

dream quickly pulled himself off of george, shooting him his best "don't fucking move" face before scrambling to unlock his phone to type something out. but then dream was debating lying. "i lost my voice" or "my doctor told me not to strain my vocal chords". because "i'm legitimately traumatized" sounds a bit too heavy for dream's liking but- he couldn't afford to lie. not right now, not after they've known each other so long. this was supposed to be a chance for dream and george to be _real_ friends, not just minecraft buddies who yelled at each other from across the ocean. he decided on "i'm mute irl. ptsd thing. is that good??". 

it was... less then ideal as his "big reveal" but dream was too desperate on getting this out of the way and _hugging again_ without feeling like george is about to have a panic attack at the idea of some random man coming up and smooshing his face against his shoulder. so he stole himself one last time, and passed the phone to george with shaky hands. 

a couple seconds passed, and dream could almost see the loading bar over george's head as he stared at the phone. it would have been funny imagery if it wasn't for the fact that dream was scared shitless. george's mouth opened, sucking in a small breath of air and-

"yeah- yeah its- thats okay, dream. should i learn sign language for the next time a visit?"

now it was dream with the loading symbol. he was probably pulling a comically stereotypical confused face. _blink. blink....._ oh. _oh._ this was good. this was okay. they would probably have a shitty time trying to navigate through the week, and dream is absolutely certain that george will momentarily forget every 20 minutes until maybe 4 days in, but this was _okay._ it would be okay. 

george pulled dream in for another hug, and he found his fingers curling a tad bit tightly into the back of his signature gray t-shirt. 


	2. Chapter 2

"shut up! you're so mean to me oh my _god_." george's cheeks were dusted pink, his arm flung across his face so his eyes were tucked into the crook of his elbow. 

"we-" _wheeze_ "-we've been doing this for _three hours_ and the only thing you can say in sign language is-"

"no! don't shame me!"

dream was sprawled out on his bedroom floor, his phone 3 feet away from him. he had lost his grip on it after he fell from his desk chair, his breath coming out in harsh pants as he tried to calm himself down. 

"the only thing you can- you can say correctly is- is- _step dream-_ " clay swung himself up into a sitting position, leaning over slightly to cough into his lap. his entire face was red from laughing, tears were starting to collect in the corner of his eyes. 

"i know the alphabet too!" 

"that doesn't fucking count-"

"yes it does!"

"fine, whatever you wanna tell yourself."

"you're just mad that i learned faster than y- sapnap wants to join our discord call. you down?"

dream straightened up at that, an excited smile finding its way on his lips. he loved it when all three of them talked. they had such an earnest chemistry and flow to their conversations that either left him laughing hysterically or feeling impossibly warm. 

"yes. definitely."

"wow, okay. i see how it is."

" _shut up_ " george giggled from the other end of the phone. they were currently situated with dream in his own room and george in the living room. sometimes george was loud enough to be heard through the walls but it was reasonably comfortable. he felt calm, and he was really enjoying their time together. they were actually planning on going and seeing a movie down the street later tonight. 

"okay, aaaaand... he's in!" 

"welcome, sippy cup." dream smirked a bit at the nickname, 100% expecting the irritated huff that nick let out. 

"hey daddy dream"

"you disgust me." dream snorted at george's response.

"george, he disgusts a lot of people"

" _hey_!" 


End file.
